When Those you love and Admire give you Advice that Goes Against your Intuition



I Love Playing with this little Boy!

How many of us have heard, “Well my Mom told me, so it must be true”. As a mom I would like to say that yes everything I do for my kids is perfect and right! (ok stop reading now if you think I’m right!). These past couple weeks I have had some interesting experiences that have gotten me thinking. In life we receive a lot of advice right?! We often know who to listen to and who not to listen to! But what happens when a person you completely respect and admire and has good advice, goes against your intuition or what you think is right in a particular situation?

E is three so he is Preschool age. I have been doing Joy School (if you don’t know what it is check it out!) this spring but his Joy School friends will be going to a more traditional Preschool this fall. Neal and I have debated back and forth about what to do with E. And usually after Neal and I debate back and forth, we look for outside advice (because it takes a Village), usually my MIL. No Neal doesn’t ask her, I do. I love my MIL (in fact she will probably read this post). I have nothing but love and respect for her and I often go to her for advice before Neal does. It does help that she is a director of a preschool and has a degree in Early Childhood development, which I guess as a mom I could find intimidating but I don’t. I love having her as a resource and I reach out to her as much as I can. So this past week I took the boys to California and asked her opinion about Preschool, i.e. No Preschool, Joy School by ourselves, traditional Preschool. We talked and she really likes the idea of traditional preschool, it would really help E with socialization. But while we were talking I felt my intuition and I knew that unless we could find a new Joy School group, E wouldn’t be going to traditional preschool.  After lots of talking to Neal and then her, I got my answer even though it was different from her advice. I don’t think he’s ready. We need at least one more year if not two to still be together, play together, have unrestricted, unstructured time to just be and just play. He may not be the perfect sit in your seat boy in Kindergarten (if we don't choose to homeschool) who is already reading when he arrives, but he will figure it out quickly enough. But let me tell you while we were talking I was so conflicted. I love my MIL, I completely value her advice and she knows and loves my son, so I should take her advice right? No, not always. It is advice, not a firm decision. That is the blessing and the curse of being our children's parents, the decision rests with us, we can ask for advice but we must ultimately make the choice. We are our children’s advocates, we are the ones with them every day, learning and growing with them, we have been given the intuition for them and even when it is hard we must stand up for them and do what is best for them.

My sister had a baby last week in the hospital and after the baby was born, my sister’s boyfriend went with the baby to be washed. While the nurses were washing her, my sisters boyfriend said they were pretty rough and he wanted them to stop but he figured they knew what they were doing, so he just let them. Yes it is true that babies are resilient, but does that mean we need to treat them with less care? I told my sisters boyfriend that he is his daughters advocate, that she cannot talk yet in life or voice her opinion so even if the nurses who know everything are not doing something you like, speak up, speak up for your daughter and be her advocate.

I don’t know everything as a Mom unlike what I said in the beginning, and I may make several mistakes (ok more than several!) But I truly want what is best for my kids. And sometimes that means taking someone’s great advice and other times that means listening to my strong intuition.