Why We Don't Follow our Intuition

Just Because I love a cute baby pic!

This topic has been on my mind alot lately. While at the park the other day I was talking with another Mom who is also Pregnant. She chooses to birth naturally but in a hospital. She has been very curious about my decision to do Homebirths and has asked me many questions. While we were talking the other day she said "Do you ever wonder why we are the way are, I mean why do I feel the need to be in a hospital?" I was caught off guard and not sure what to say especially because I could relate but in the opposite way, I feel the need to be at home. But I really liked her question, "Why are we the way we are"? Why do I feel such a strong need to be at home and she feels the need to be at a hospital. My mind started going in so many directions and of course it brought me to the topic of intuition. I of course feel like alot of decisions coupled with research, prayer and education should be based on intuition. But how many of us are actually using our intuition to make decisions and what is preventing us from using it. Is it our intuition or someting else that causes us to be the way we are, and if it is something else, what causes us to go against it? After alot of pondering I decided that there are two main things that cause us to go against our intuition, fear and our own lack of taking responsibility for our actions.

Now I do not mean to imply that this Mom at the park is choosing to birth at a hospital based on societal fear, she may very well be choosing to birth in a hospital based on instinctual fear, which I DO think is very important to listen to. But that is the important question we must ask ourselves when making parenting decisions, are we following our own instinctual fears to keep our children safe, and happy or are we following fears that society has put on us? Are we the way we are because of Societal or Instinctual fears? Are we the way we are are because we are following our intution or becasue we are following a path that society thinks we should follow?

Let me explain, now I don't think fear is always bad, I fear my stove when it is on because I don't want to get burned, I would consider that an instinctual fear, which I think is a good thing. I know that if I touch the stove when it is hot I will get burned, I am grateful for that fear, but societal fear, now that is fear that I think can be harmful instead of helpful. So often as Mom's we are trying to do the best for our kids, but we also get caught up in the Mommy wars, we don't want others to judge our decisions. While discussing this topic with my SIL she brought up a societal fear that she sees often as a mother, her friends choosing not to discipline (or correct) their children, not based on what they probably think they should do but based on what they think Society thinks they should do. They have fear that they will be judged and choose to ignore their parenting instintcs and instead allow fear from society to govern their choices and their parenting.

I think too often we as Mom's (my self included) are following society based fears. We hear horror stories and we can become immobilized by those fears. Stories are helpful to teach us about different situations, but not helpful when we allow them to make our decisions. I would never want my happy Homebirth story of E to be the only reason a mother decides on a homebirth, just the same way I would never want a single bad homebirth story be the reason a mother decides to birth in a hospital. We should be reading, researching and listening to ourselves, our intution and then making our choices. Am I the way I am because of Societal or Instinctual fears?

The second reason I have found for lack of following our intution is that we live in a society of blame. Now this may come across as harsh but I think we have a hard time taking responsibility for our actions. It is alot easier to say "My Pediatrician told me to do this for my son, I wasn't sure about it but I just followed what they said." Too often I hear comments like that from Mom's. They arn't owning their choices. If their child gets sick, or doesn't pass a test, it is someone else's fault. Which I admit sometimes is alot easier to deal with at least on our own self-esteem level! But at the end it really hinders us from making the best choices for children, it prevents us from following our intuition. The decision your Pediatrician makes for another child is not necessarily the best decision for your child. While it can be scary making decisions that don't follow the societal norm, it is important that we do it, it is important that we follow our intuition and make decisions that are best for our families. How scary it would be if we allowed Society to dictate all of our choices but we keep allowing societal fears to make our decisions instead of our intuition, that is what is going to happen.

So what do you think? Is there a problem among your friends of not following their intuition and do you think these two reasons are to blame?

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Following your Intuition when it might take awhile to see the Results

My Little Explorer!

I love my motherly intuition and I love that I have learned to use it and respect it over the past two years, but that doesn’t mean there aren’t still times that I question it or worry whether or not I am interpreting it correctly.  I am sure I am not alone in this worry, as Mom’s we want what is best for our kids but it also means having patience as we watch them grow and develop. (I should tell you now that Patience is not my strong suit!)

The two things that I struggle with are E’s sleeping and E’s independence. Overall I feel confident about the path we are choosing, but that doesn’t mean there aren’t times that I question our path or that we don’t make little tweaks and changes along the way. As I have wrote about in a prior post E is what I like to call my cautious child. At 2 he has Never crawled out of his crib, 90% of the time waits for me to cross the street, rarely runs away, usually waits for a hand to hold or even arms to carry him before he walks down stairs. E is going to make sure EVERYthing is safe before he ventures out, while for the most part I am grateful that we have yet to visit the ER due to an attempt at jumping off the table his caution for things has also caused his Dad and I to question our parenting.

If we take E out anywhere, 98% of the time he wants to be carried as soon as we walk out the front door, or as soon as we get out of the car at our destination. He has strong reservations about what might be lurking around the corner. Often times after a few minutes of carrying him we can coax him into getting down and exploring his surroundings, sometimes it takes longer, but usually he eventually warms up to the space we are in and will get down and explore. We have tried telling him that we can’t pick him up or encouraging him to walk on his own right away which occasionally works but more often than not it just makes him more upset and more bothered by the situation he is in. My motherly instinct tells me to encourage him to walk right away on his own, but if I can tell that he is quickly agitated to pick him up (not push him into a situation), try and make him comfortable and then try again in a few minutes to set him down. For the most part this has been working but depending on the situation it can take anywhere from 2-3 minutes to 20 minutes to get him to walk on his own. There are days that I worry that I am coddling him or stifling his independence but for the most part I feel that I am respecting his learning curve and his situation, I am trying to parent to his specific needs. Unfortunately it may be years before I know if this was the right path. Is he going to gain the confidence and independence he needs to be able to go somewhere on his own without me, I am pretty sure the answer is yes but I hate those days that I question.

The discussion of sleep will be Part 2. Stay tuned.